The Wit and Wisdom of Ali Ihsan ELMAS

"Isn't it strange", I said, "that we work and work, and then when we finally have free time, we don't even know what to do with it? We just look for different ways to kill it, because deep down we only want to get rid of it." "What do you mean?" he said. "If you don't know what to do, just go and see the famous places in the city. Don't try to over-intellectualise things." "You mean tourist attractions?" I asked. "The 'places you must see before you die' sections in magazines? That bullshit?" "Yeah," he said. "Why not?" Maybe he had a point. And I didn't have any better ideas, so I said, "Okay, I'll give it a try." I found a list of places to see in the city, and the Book of Kells was at the top. Some ancient book kept in Trinity College. I like universities, so I thought, what the hell, I'll go there. I bought the ticket, took the train, and got off at Trinity....

 I think it was 2018. I can’t remember which girlfriend I had broken up with at the time. Maybe it was one of those empty periods between my short-lived loves, when I was single but not exactly free. Back then, I always had someone, though it usually didn’t mean much. By then, I had accepted a certain truth about dating apps. I didn’t have the photos, the clothes, or the polished little lifestyle required to fuck nice, beautiful blondes. I don't dress well. I don't even like dressing well. Put me in a fashionable suit and I felt stupid, uncomfortable, like someone had dressed up a criminal for court. So I did what a man does when he wants experience more than beauty, I took whatever I could get my hands on. Usually, that meant the ugly and fat ones and that girl was no exception. She constantly taltked about sex. She was a veteran in the field. She told me stories about lesbian adventures, threesomes, things she had done, things she wanted to do. I wasn’t exactly attracted to h...