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The Last Day

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    Pondering:     Sitting at home on a lonely night. Thinking about the past, and how I wasted my life and am still wasting it. I don't know what I want to do with my life, and I feel the same old cliché: we never know what we have or what's important until it's completely gone and there's no way to get it back. Usually, we look for happiness in the wrong places as we misunderstand what's causing us trouble. Deceiving ourselves with the hope of happiness, thinking that "thing" we want will make everything fine. But I guess there's no perfect day, no perfect moment that will be. You won't be happy when you bang that girl or have that new outfit. It's just another way to keep yourself busy and escape from boredom. Time needs to pass somehow, so we need to do something - anything.      Reflecting:     I was looking at the photo where I'm with my father. I thought about how I never had the chance to know him. I mean, what were his fears? What ...

Wasting Time, Searching for Meaning, and Finding Shits

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It feels kind of strange. You work at a job to make money and earn your freedom, but then you don't know what to do with your free time. So you end up at this meetup event on a Saturday morning, where you practically work for free. It's not that I don't have things to do and feel bored. I have things to do, but I don't want to do them, or I'm postponing them. So maybe, even to distract myself from the fact that I have things to do, I went there. I also wanted to have something to do other than the things I have to do. Yeah, maybe. Before going, I checked the list of attendees to make sure there were people I would be interested in meeting. Just to ensure I didn't end up at the meeting point alone, I even posted on the discussion page, asking if anyone else was going to be there. To my surprise, someone replied “yes” to my message. So, I thought it couldn't be that bad. I woke up at 8 to be there on time. I had my coffee and breakfast and then left for the ...